The Adventures of Gabriel Celtic

The Adventures of Gabriel Celtic

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Some Thoughts On The Past~ Time Traveler Style



So, you’ve gone back in time, and you have all of this knowledge that will give you an edge. Your place at the head of humanity is assured, and you will lead a new industrial revolution while making sure that everybody has bread on the table.

Right?

Wrong! Or, at least partially wrong.

Yes you have this vast amount of knowledge to convey, and yes, you should come off as a relative genius.
But first…you have to use the bathroom.

“Excuse me? Where’s the bathroom?”

Get used to that look you just got. Unless you are in at least the 20th century when you utter your question, they will not even know what you are talking about.

Ok, so you muddle through a description, and they finally point you out back. Depending on what year it is, and the social status of your hosts, you might be looking for anything from an outhouse to a hole in the ground.
Finishing your business, you suddenly realize that there is no toilet paper!

“Gulp.”

Ok, you have a few options, none of them good. Let’s say you opt for pulling up your britches, running back into the house and asking about it.

Mark this moment in your mind, because this is the moment when your dreams and aspirations of heading a new progressive revolution fade into obscurity. Because once you make that fated trip to stand before your hosts, your pants filled with your own excrement as you ask them how to wipe your own ass…

Well, I think you see where this is going. If you can keep yourself out of an institution for the mentally deranged after this display, you would probably find yourself scrubbing floors at the local brothel. Your knowledge and leadership has been dismissed in a matter of twenty minutes by the mere matter of taking a dump.

Being successful in the past will be dependant on knowing what to expect. People that have a strong grasp of history are always the ones that lead in this world, for who knows how many great leaders of mankind are stuck in the past on their hands and knees with a wet brush in their hand.

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